A short story and her micro-soul

He pulled a cigarette from under his pillow. He then stretched his hand to get the match box from the table beside his bed. He lit one, got up and sat on his bed still under the sheets. The bitter thick smoke hit his throat. It really hurt and he gulped a few lumps of cough coated with tobacco smoke down his throat. He moved his tongue over his teeth and felt the yellowish rough coating which will smoothen out later when he will brush his teeth. The burnt tobacco smell lingered in his nostrils for a while. He remained there till he pulled on the last puff from the cigarette and then threw it on the floor. He got up and stubbed the bud lying on the floor.

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I am his closest friend. Or rather the closes companion. I was born on the same day, same time he was born. I don’t remember the initial years but remember every incidence since the time around he started school. He is a normal human being. He needs food to eat, needs water to drink (though he drinks more of alcohol than water these days), needs to sleep at night, needs money to survive and a needs a job to earn that money. I don’t need any of this. I get fed on his emotions. He achieves, I criticize. He enjoys, I warn. He suffers, I enjoy! I am with him during days, during nights, when he visits toilet, when he masturbates, in his public moments, in his most private moments and even in his dreams.

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I stubbed the cigarette butt on the floor. ‘I should quit’, I thought when I observed the fingers shaking while I was holding the cigarette. But cigarette is my real friend. And books. And mountains.
‘One should only love non-living things.’
You never know when a living organism will betray you. Even a dog when pushed in the corner, comes and attacks.
‘How the hell did I believe her! A women!! A girl!!!’
She is the sweetest dream to me and a cruelest reality. She has no right to treat me like this. She has no right to leave me in wreckage. She just used me and then kicked me. ‘Should I give her a call and yell at her? Nope!’
Let me not get into all this again. Buddy, let her go. Thinking about her will not change anything. C’mon! Get up! It’s 9’O clock already.
‘What the fuck!! No cigarettes. Shit!’
‘Aah! There is one. Thank God! The fucker God!’
There was one by the window. I stretched my limbs and got out of the bed. I thought of getting ready first and then smoke this one. But I guess I need to smoke this right now. Let me get out these thoughts out of my heart with the thick smoke.

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He thinks that the world has been unjust to him throughout. When she was going with him, he thought of leaving her. Not only once, not twice but may be thrice. Or even more times. He thought she is not compatible with him. This bugger never thought whether he is compatible to her or not. He always thought of individualism, open society, free sex and what not. But what he did actually? Talked with her about books when she might needed a romantic talk. Took her to a off-bit movie with powerhouse performances (as written in the newspaper review. He always survived on the news-papers or quotations from the books he has never read but are highly recommended by the so called scholars) when she might had wanted to watch a light comedy. He tried to enforce his thoughts upon her, his enjoyments over her entertainment. And then he thought she fails to understand him. Bullshit!

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One more day at work. It’s 8.30 in the evening only.
‘A Gold-flake Kings pack, bhaiyya’. Man, I am smoking too much. This is already second pack of the day plus two cigarettes from the morning. But fucker what’s remaining in life? Atleast my cigarette doesn’t leave me. She doesn’t fuck me. Like her. To hell with her!
If she was bored of me or thought that I am useless, she should have told me straight way. Why did she break off on a paltry reason? That was a pure farce. She didn’t need me anymore. She simply used me. Fuck off!! When she wanted, she made me call her. At night, at mid-night, at dawn, at work, during meetings, from the toilets. From everywhere, at anytime for anything. And once she went back to her home, she gradually stopped. Fucker!!!
Hey, I should not abuse her. She was very sweet. And very soft. And plumb. And beautiful. But crooked and wicked!!! Fuck, fuck, fuck. I am going to go mad now. Fuck you! Fuck her!! Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Fuck man, this is third cigarette from this pack. Already smoked two in last half an hour. My throat is hoarse and dry. I need water. Shit! Shit!! Shit!!!

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He is preparing a cup of black coffee. Drinking black coffee makes him believe a notch above his room-mates. And he doesn’t fail to make it a point to his roomies. He is the biggest hypocrite I have ever met, well technically, he has ever met.