Emotion is the arch enemy of the reason.
Now the picture on left is a blue poppy. Guys, u got it? Maal isise banata hai. Enjoy.
The trek got over. I did enjoy it a lot. The end was saddened. And it took away everything I received on that trek in beautiful Himalayas. See, I enjoy walking arduous stretches in mountain because it gives me extreme ____________ , whatever you call it. And it did give me that. But why then while coming back I was not bubbling up with the energy which I generally would be after a trek? Why the weeks after the return are so frustrating? Why I am feeling a omnipresent sadness?The two things are entirely separate. Then why I am not able to separate them in my life? As uncle told me, my emotional needs are abundant. They are deep within. They get hurt as if my one of my body parts gets hurt. Hmmm. True. I am not denying that. Now let me dissect where these emotions got hurt. Simple. They are hurt because they felt insulted. They felt like 'I have done everything possible and I received this in return'. Fine. I should not expect anything with surety. Expectation is the calculated response or reaction from other entity.And here I got beaten. Because I did not calculate with rational approach but an emotional approach. I lose my rational approach when she is in the picture. I do not think logically when she is in the middle of the issue. I have to overcome this weakness. But again what uncle says is also true. My emotional needs are in a plenty. So I have to cut them to nil, zero. I have only one doubt. Are these emotions an integral part of my being. If yes, then cutting them is not a rational approach. If not, then yes. It is a rational approach. So wake up Santa and start thinking on this line.What about her then? I have lost her and at the same time she has lost me. If I put a Balance Sheet and Profit&Loss Statement, then .............................................................................................. One thing is sure that I learnt a great deal from my mistakes. First is that I wont let anyone to take hold of my core and use it at will and throw once not of any value to him/her. One thing I am sure about is that I never did that. If somebody is friend of mine, he/she is. I don't seek value in it. And I expect the reciprocation. If he/she does not reciprocate then hell with them. Second thing I learned is that I will never fall into a relationship so intricate. I wont be involved as I was earlier because whatever said and done, I cant let her go out my mind. And I don't want to go through this continuous, round the clock headache. I cant sustain this. It hurts. Now there is no certainty that second one will also turn similar to first one. But as I said initially, expectation should be rational. So even if I assume that the probability of this is 50%, I am not ready to go for a relationship and that whole lot of headache. Hell with it. And this is not an irrational decision. It is taken after weighing the probability and the outcome and then comparing with experience. This is very logical path to follow.
